Relationship Skills Glossary

A small attempt to get a partner's attention, interest or affection, such as pointing out a bird, sharing a meme or sighing. Responding to bids builds trust over time. See bids for connection explained.

Communicating from a position of superiority through mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling or name-calling. Gottman's research identifies it as the strongest single predictor of divorce. The antidote is building a culture of appreciation.

Attacking a partner's character instead of describing a specific behavior, often with "you always" or "you never". The antidote is a gentle startup that names a feeling and a need.

A relationship climate where partners regularly notice and say what they value in each other. Research on everyday gratitude suggests it strengthens connection for both the one who gives and the one who receives it.

Protecting yourself from a perceived attack with excuses or counter-blame, which signals that your partner's concern doesn't count. The antidote is taking responsibility for even a small part of the problem. See how to stop being defensive.

A state of physiological overwhelm during conflict, with a racing heart and narrowed thinking, in which listening becomes almost impossible. A break of at least 20 minutes, spent doing something calming, helps the body settle.

The ability to notice a strong emotion and choose how to respond, instead of reacting on autopilot. In relationships it shows up as pausing, breathing and naming what you feel before you speak.

Yennou's term for the main ways people feel loved: words, touch, thoughtful giving and quality time. Similar to the popular idea of love languages, they are preferences to learn, not fixed types.

In Yennou, a one-minute daily action that expresses care, such as sending a photo that will make your partner smile. Small, repeated actions build trust more reliably than grand gestures.

A recurring conflict rooted in lasting differences in personality or needs. Gottman's research found that about 69% of couple conflicts are perpetual, so the goal is ongoing dialogue rather than a final solution. See why you keep having the same argument.

A short, regular conversation, often weekly, where partners share what went well, what felt hard and what they need. See relationship check-in questions.

Any statement or action that stops a conflict from escalating, like a joke, an apology, a touch or "can we start over?". Couples who make and accept repair attempts recover from fights faster. See how to repair after a fight.

A small, repeated moment that partners share on purpose, like a morning coffee together, a six-second kiss or a walk after dinner. Rituals protect closeness when life gets busy.

Beginning a difficult conversation gently: describing the situation, saying how you feel and stating a positive need, without blame. Conversations tend to end in the tone in which they begin.

Withdrawing from a conversation by going silent, turning away or leaving, usually because of emotional flooding. The antidote is asking for a break and coming back to the talk.

The finding that stable couples have at least five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict. Positive moments include interest, humor, affection and validation.

John Gottman's name for four communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Each has an antidote that can be learned.

Responding to a partner's bid with attention or interest, even briefly. The opposite is turning away (ignoring) or turning against (responding with irritation).